|A reasonable reproduction of my family just before launch.|
Baltimore, MD: The hotel in Baltimore was nice, being right across from a baseball park. Unfortunately, there was a motorcycle rally nearby. The Harley Davidson crowd believes that the louder their glass pack muffler, the less likely it is that a car will drive over them. These overage and oversized rough riders were roaring up and down the avenue in front of our hotel all night long. I lost 5 years of my hearing and a full night's sleep on that stop.
Philadelphia, PA: We drove into downtown during rush hour. In Philadelphia, the downtown streets are extremely narrow on account of the thinness of its citizens. Apparently a lifetime of eating Philly cheese steak subs with cheez whiz has caused the good citizens to waste away to next to nothing, much like their roads. Despite a brand-new talking GPS, I could not find our hotel. As it turns out, it was a brownstone walk-up with no parking, pullout, doorman or anything at all that might signal that yes, this is a hotel! I had to unload the luggage from the trunk of my car in bumper-to-bumper traffic, blocking up the right lane entirely while the locals gave me a brotherly "Hello!" honk on the car horn.
Once we got to our room, we opened the door to see...a single bed for our family of four. I called dibs but the wailing and gnashing of teeth from the rest of the crew was such that my wife went down to the lobby to explore our options. No, we could not have a cot or pullout due to a supposed "fire code." Yes, they had one room left and if we didn't pay for it quickly, some other schlep was going to buy it out from under us and we'd have to sleep in the streets. Ca-$$$-Ching! Sold to the weary family from out of town! When my son and I went down to our room, we named it "The Mole Hole." The room was a long hallway, thin (like the local citizens) and dark. All it lacked was worms!
|May I bring your bags up to your room?|
I'm normally a calm, cool, and collected gent. I rarely swear. The verbal dam burst as the reality of my mistake sank in. I was driving into the heart of the carpocalypse known as
|I'm the blue car in the middle. No, not that one...|